“You spilled wine on my carpet!” (and other Wine Fun, inspired by April Fool’s Day)
This actually happened to me. Here's my story:
Years ago, my (now ex) wife and I were on our annual vacation with my college friends, where we stay at one of my buddy's parents' cottage on a small lake in Michigan. It's a modest vacation home, immaculately maintained and loved by their family. Recently, his parents had white carpet installed in the family room. (It was gorgeous carpet and only weeks old – it still had that “new carpet smell”.)
Fast forward to later that evening. We've all had several adult beverages and were having a great time reminiscing of the old days at Michigan State University.
As we had done several times already, my ex-wife and I both went back into the house to refill our empty wine glasses with a delicious California Cabernet. To return to our friends in the covered patio, we must walk from the kitchen and traverse the beautiful, fresh white carpet in the family room.
…and of course it is at that moment that my ex-wife simply drops her full glass of red wine. With no explanation, it literally left her hand and softly landed on the nice white carpet.
Red wine was everywhere on this new white carpet.
This place is the pride and joy of my buddy's family and we have just ruined their new carpet! (And, possibly the weekend.)
I'll spare you the cleaning details, but I'll summarize: We sprung into action with cold water, lots of towels and a few hours of non-stop attention. Early the next morning, I rented a carpet cleaner and the wine spill was 100% unnoticeable.
Phew. That was freaking scary.
Surprisingly, we were invited back the following year.
So, I thought it would be funny to bring a novelty “spilled wine glass” to the cottage, as a light hearted way to remember that moment we all shared.
When I presented the gift, my buddy's wife was not very pleased at all. She looked at it in horror said “I don't want this”, and promptly left the room. (My bad.)
Apparently, this spill caused her a lot more trauma than I knew.
So, here it is!
Want to traumatize your own friends?
I found that spilled red wine glass novelty item on Amazon, as well as a few other fun things I thought I'd share with you, on this April Fool's day.
This is the spilled glass of wine prank I found on Amazon. You can find tons of other options (with different shaped glasses, different wine, etc. They also have “spilled coffee pranks”.)
These “tipsy” wine glasses are cute, but I'd never actually use them. (At least not after the first glass of wine.) They're available on Amazon, but I think I've seen them at Bed Bath & Beyond, too.
These “upside down” wine glasses are very weird to me. I can imagine drinking a few sips from this, but I can also imagine the novelty would wear thin rather quickly. (A fun novelty item for a wine lover, though!)
These “porto sippers” were suggested items to accompany the upside down wine glass above.
These look awful! How long before someone doesn't sip just right – but rather exhales into the sipper, causing violent eruptions of red wine?
This one is a classic. I love pouring a glass of wine into this, telling my friends “I limit myself to only drinking one glass of wine a day”. (Yes, this glass fits a full bottle of wine in it, like the ‘Big Carl' from Cougar Town.)
Another “fits a whole bottle of wine” novelty glass. But this one, is oddly shaped like a bottle of wine, with an attached glass on top. Really weird, but also a cool novelty gift for a wine lover. (I'd never actually use this, though – would you?)
…and in our “Not Safe For Work” category, this fun wine stopper will certainly be a hit. (Assuming you actually leave wine in a bottle.)
Here's a fun prank to pull on a wine lover. Use red dye to change white wine into red wine.
This one is a classic wine prank. Very cute.
Gotta love this innocent prank. Just replace the contents of a good bottle of wine with crappy wine, or something else entirely!
Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers, as discovered on the CaveMans' Wine Blog
Inside the book, they listed a few of their favorite jokes:
“I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to age.” – Steven Wright
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin
“To temperance… in moderation.” – Lem Matlow
“I drink champagne when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone. When I have company, I consider it obligatory. Otherwise I never touch it — unless I’m thirsty.” – Elizabeth Bollinger
“Burgundy makes you think of silly things; Bordeaux makes you talk about them, and Champagne makes you do them.” – Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
Want more wine jokes? Check this blog post at WineTable.com.
Here's one of my favorites:
A Midnight Pullover
The policeman signals to a car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically. He says to the driver, “You appear to have been drinking!”
The driver answers, “No sir, I am just tired.”
The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest! He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, “What is, or should I say was in this bottle?
The driver answers, “Water!”
The policeman says, “It is not, it's wine!”
The driver looks up to the heavens and says, “Oh Lord, you have done it again!”